If you know someone who is being abused by their intimate partner, you can do many things to make a real difference. Most battered women who are offered help deeply appreciate it, even if they don't say so. Many people hesitate to speak with a woman who they think is being or will be abused because they don't know what to do or say. Relax and be yourself. This will communicate your concern. • Establish a rapport with her if you don't already have one so that she feels comfortable talking with you. Be careful not to put her on the spot. • Listen without judging. Often a battered woman believes her abuser's negative messages about herself. She may feel responsible, ashamed, inadequate and afraid that you will judge her. • Let her know you care about her. Tell her she is not responsible for the abuse. Explain that physical violence in a relationship is never acceptable. There's no excuse for it – not alcohol or drugs, financial pressure, depression, jealously or any behavior of hers. • Be sure she knows she is not alone. Millions of women of every race, age and religion face abuse. Many women find it extremely difficult to deal with the violence. • Emphasize that, when she wants help, it is available. • Let her know that domestic violence tends to get worse and become more frequent with time. It does not go away on its own. • Explain that domestic violence is a crime and that she can seek protection from the police, the courts or a domestic violence program. Give her phone numbers she can call for help and referrals. • Give her written material about what she can do to protect herself. Local shelters have this kind of information. • To get advice on how to talk with someone who may be in a violent relationship, please call the Portland Women's Crisis Line, 503-235-5333 or toll-free 888-235-5333. Or, if you are a Providence Health & Services employee, you may call the Providence EAP office, 503-215-3561. The experts at these places can help you decide what is best to do in your situation.
|
