In less than two months our son will be promoted from the 8th grade at Gately Academy where he has been attending school for the past two years. Two and a half years ago, I was only half joking when I thought “I'll be happy if he graduates from junior high.” Things were falling apart for our son in the beginning of his sixth grade year. We knew that he was depressed and anxious and disliking school to the point of refusing to attend on several occasions. He had been attending the same private school since kindergarten, which provided a great education in a supportive environment. Historically, our son always had a hard time settling down to do his homework, often feeling overwhelmed by the assignment, even if the assignment looked simple. In addition, his distractibility in the classroom became less of an "endearment" and more of a concern in the fifth grade. We looked to the educators to assess whether or not our son had possible attention deficit issues, but it wasn't clear to the teachers. We had Alex assessed after the summer of 5th grade for Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). The psychologist who assessed him concluded that our son most likely had ADD. Prior to that time, Alex began seeing a therapist for his depression. He enjoyed seeing the therapist, but his symptoms of depression didn't seem to be resolving. In the fall of his sixth grade year, things really started taking a turn for the worst. Alex was refusing to go to school and was having many outbursts at home. Everyone in the household was traumatized. As his parents, we were desperately trying to get him to go to school and provide the support he needed. The counselor and teachers at school were really supportive and making lots of concessions for Alex, like excusing him form uncompleted assignments. His performance at school was suffering, but most importantly, he was falling apart at the seams emotionally. As his parent, I knew that there was this big missing piece to the puzzle. Yes, we all knew that he was depressed and acting out and hating school, but WHY? We hit a crisis point right before winter break. We admitted Alex to the child psychiatric unit under the advisement of his physician because he was having a difficult time keeping his behaviors under control. He wasn't suicidal (yet) or violent, but we wanted more information about what might be going on. Because of holiday plans, Alex was only an inpatient for five days, which was enough time for him to "pull it together" a bit, but not enough time for a thorough assessment. It was clear to us that Alex would not be returning to his school after winter break. What next? We were at a loss and feeling very worn out and worried for our son. We needed help! We hired an educational consultant team who recommended that we send Alex to a therapeutic wilderness program in Idaho so that we could get more info to explain what was going on with our son. The program we looked at had a group for 11- to 13-year-olds, which focused on self-esteem and confidence building, as well as helping the kids develop healthier coping strategies. It was really tough for me to contemplate sending my 11-year-old off to the high desert in the middle of winter for a month. We were lucky in that Alex agreed to go. Of course he didn't know what he was getting into, but we didn't have to force him, which was good enough for me... We ended up being at this program for 6 weeks, during which time we got some answers!! Ahhhhh- the big missing puzzle piece was discovered. After thorough neuropsych testing, it was discovered that our son had a Non Verbal Learning Difference (NLD). When we learned about NLD, it almost provided an explanation for much of Alex's behaviors and temperament since he was a young boy. The educators didn't pick up on it, because the symptoms don't often become obvious until middle school. And because these kids are so verbally skilled, there is a false sense of competency. These kids with NLD seem like they are "getting it" when they are not. What a relief to have an answer. The wilderness was pivotal for our son. He now divides his life into two parts: Before the wilderness program and after the wilderness program. So, what to do about school? Lucky for us the Gately Academy was right here in Portland, and they accepted Alex to their school. Alex has been there since the spring term of 6th grade. It has been a steady uphill climb for him. He is absolutely a different child than he was in January 2005. By the time Alex had left his old school, he had lost all confidence in his ability to be successful in school, and he actually believed that he was "stupid". His IQ testing suggested quite the opposite. It wasn't enough for him to know that he had a high IQ; He needed to experience continued success in school. I am happy to report that Alex has been an A/B student consistently. This is not because Gately is "easy" -- it's not. This is because the teachers understand the different learning needs of their students. The community also understands the social/emotional and behavioral aspects of our kids who have learning differences. The school has high expectations of the children in their academic performance and behaviors. More importantly, it has appropriate expectations of our kids, and that is why the kids at Gately succeed. Alex has a learning difference. He has incredible strengths in language and auditory memory. Learning that involves the visual-spatial area of his brain and non-verbal communication are more challenging. Writing is really hard. He doesn't like to write, but he is a voracious reader. He was at a 4th/5th grade level in math when he entered Gately. He now takes Algebra/Geometry and consistently gets an "A" grade. Math is a common area of challenge for people with NLD. So why is he doing so well in math, and why does he love math? I asked him to what he attributes the turn around. He said it was his teacher, Ms. Sams, and the way she teaches. Alex says he doesn't like school. I say, "whatever", because I watch him attend school willingly 95% of the time, and I watch him walk out of the school building at the end of the day with a smile on his face. So, yeah, he "doesn't like school" like most kids. I see differently. Any parent that has lived through desperate times with their child and come out the other end, knows the feeling of gratitude to see their child thrive and do well. I must say that I find living with a teenage son who is doing what he is supposed to do at this age -- go to school, hang with friends, challenge parental authority, and build independence -- is a joy. I don't take it for granted. I don't wish the added struggle of a learning difference on anyone. At the same time, you deal with what life throws at you. I am grateful that we have had this wonderful school for our son. He needs a different learning environment than what is offered mainstream. For him to have the academic success and emotional support at Gately really sets a solid, positive foundation for him to go out in the world of high school and beyond, and be O.K. What a gift! Sincerely,
Betsy Drake
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